Awesome Bart Blackboard Quotes

Here is the list of all known Bart Simpson quotes that he writes on the blackboard in the beginning of each episode. Enjoy!

1. I will not waste chalk
2. I will not skateboard in the halls
3. I will not burp in class
4. I will not instigate revolution
5. I will not draw naked ladies in class
6. I did not see Elvis
7. I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"
8. Garlic gum is not funny
9. They are laughing at me, not with me
10. I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom
11. I will not encourage others to fly
12. Tar is not a plaything
13. I will not Xerox my butt
14. It's potato, not potatoe
15. I will not trade pants with others
16. I am not a 32 year old woman
17. I will not do that thing with my tongue
18. I will not drive the principal's car
19. I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
20. I will not sell school property
21. I will not cut corners
22. I will not get very far with this attitude
23. I will not make flatuent noises in class
24. I will not belch the National Anthem
25. I will not sell land in Florida
26. I will not grease the monkey bars
27. I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
28. I will not do anything bad ever again
29. I will not show off
30. I will not sleep through my education
31. I am not a dentist
32. Spitwads are not free speech
33. Nobody likes sunburn slappers
34. High explosives and school don't mix
35. I will not squeak chalk
36. I will finish what I sta
37. "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
38. I will not fake rabies
39. Underwear should be worn on the inside
40. The Christmas Pageant does not stink
41. I will not torment the emotionally frail
42. I will not carve gods
43. I will not spank others
44. I will not aim for the head
45. I will not barf unless I'm sick
46. I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
47. I will not conduct my own fire drills
48. Funny noises are not funny
49. I will not spin the turtle
50. I will not snap bras
51. I will not fake seizures
52. This punishment is not boring and pointless
53. My name is not Dr. Death
54. I will not defame New Orleans
55. I will not prescribe medication
56. I will not bury the new kid
57. I will not teach others to fly
58. I will not bring sheep to class
59. A burp is not an answer
60. Teacher is not a leper
61. Coffee is not for kids
62. I will not eat things for money
63. I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call
64. The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee
65. I will not call the principal "spud head"
66. Goldfish don't bounce
67. Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
68. No one is interested in my underpants
69. I will not sell miracle cures
70. I will return the seeing-eye dog
71. I do not have diplomatic immunity
72. I will not charge admission to the bathroom
73. I will never win an Emmy
74. The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
75. All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy
76. I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
77. I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
78. My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
79. I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
80. I am not delightfully saucy
81. Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
82. The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
83. I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
84. There are plenty of businesses like show business
85. I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
86. Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
87. Beans are neither fruit nor musical
88. I will not use abbrev.
89. I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.
90. I will not send lard through the mail
91. I will not dissect things unless instructed
92. I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
93. Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
94. Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
95. "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
96. Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
97. Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
98. I will not hang donuts on my person
99. I will remember to take my medication
100. I will not strut around like I own the place
101. The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
102. I do not have power of attorney over first graders
103. Nerve gas is not a toy
104. I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
105. The First Amendment does not cover burping
106. This is not a clue...or is it?
107. I will not complain about the solution when I hear it
108. "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
109. No one wants to hear from my armpits
110. I am not a lean mean spitting machine
111. The boys room is not a water park
112. Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
113. Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
114. I will only do this once a year
115. I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
116. I am not certified to remove asbestos
117. I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten
118. I am not my long-lost twin
119. The truth is not out there
120. I am not licensed to do anything
121. I will not hide the teacher's Prozac
122. I will not lie in front of the school bus with ketchup on my face
123. A fire drill does not demand a fire
124. I no longer want my MTV
125. Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story
126. I did not invent Irish dancing
127. I will not tease Fatty
128. There was no Roman god named "Fartacus"
129. Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related
130. Shooting paintballs is not an art form
131. Pain is not the cleanser
132. Silly String is not a nasal spray
133. I was not told to do this
134. My butt does not deserve a website
135. I will not demand what I'm worth
136. I will not mess with the opening credits
137. I am not the new Dalai Lama
138. I was not the inspiration for "Kramer"
139. I will not file frivolous lawsuits
140. The Simpsons Halloween Special IX
141. "butt.butt" is not my E-mail address
142. No one cares what my definition of "is" is
143. I will not scream for ice cream
144. I am not a licensed hairstylist
145. "The President did it" is not an excuse
146. My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld
147. Sherri does not "got back"
148. I will not do the Dirty Bird
149. No one wants to hear about my sciatica
150. Hillbillies are people too
151. Grammar is not a time of waste
152. It does not suck to be you
153. I cannot absolve sins
154. A trained ape could not teach gym
155. Loose teeth don't need my help
156. I have neither been there nor done that
157. I'm so very tired
158. Fridays are not "pants optional"
159. Pork is not a verb
160. I am not the last Don
161. I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize
162. I won't not use no double negatives
163. I can't see dead people
164. I will not sell my kidney on eBay
165. I will not create art from dung
166. I will stop phoning it in
167. Class clown is not a paid position
168. Substitute teachers are not scabs
169. My suspension was not "mutual"
170. A belch is not an oral report
171. Dodgeball stops at the gym door
172. "Non-Flammable" is not a challenge
173. I was not touched "there" by an angel
174. I am not here on a fartball scholarship
175. I will not dance on anyone's grave
176. I cannot hire a substitute student
177. I will not obey the voices in my head
178. I will not plant subliminal messagores
179. I will not surprise the incontinent
180. I am not the acting President
181. I was not the sixth Beatle
182. I will only provide a urine sample when asked
183. The nurse is not dealing
184. Science class should not end in tragedy
185. Network TV is not dead
186. I will not "let the dogs out"
187. I will not hide the teacher's medication
188. I will not publish the Principal's credit report
189. The hamster did not have "a full life"
190. I will not buy a Presidential pardon
191. "Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap
192. I will not scare the Vice President
193. I will not flush evidence
194. Fire is not the cleanser
195. Genetics is not an excuse
196. Today is not Mothra's day
197. I should not be twenty-one by now
198. Nobody reads these anymore
199. A burp in a jar is not a science project
200. Fun does not have a size
201. I am not Charlie Brown on acid
202. I do not have a cereal named after me
203. I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers
204. The giving tree is not a chump
205. Making Milhouse cry is not a science project
206. Vampire is not a career choice
207. I will never lie about being cancelled again
208. Fish do not like coffee
209. Milhouse did not test cootie positive
210. This school does not need a "regime change"
211. SpongeBob is not a contraceptive
212. I will not
213. My pen is not a booger launcher
214. Sandwiches should not contain sand
215. Over forty & single is not funny
216. I will not speculate on how hot teacher used to be
217. Poking a dead raccoon is not research
218. Beer in a milk carton is not milk
219. A booger is not a bookmark
220. Does any kid still do this anymore?
221. I am not smarter than the President
222. Teacher was not dumped -- it was mutual
223. I will not laminate dog doo
224. I will not flip the classroom upside down
225. I will not leak the plot of the movie
226. Je ne parle pas Français
227. Have a great summer, everyone
228. We are not all naked under our clothes
229. Frankincense is not a monster
230. Global warming did not eat my homework
231. I will not look up what teacher makes
232. Pearls are not oyster barf
233. I will not illegally download this movie
234. I will not wait 20 years to make another movie
235. The Wall Street Journal is better than ever
236. I am not an FDIC-insured bank
237. There is no such thing as an iPoddy
238. The Pilgrims were not illegal aliens
239. The capital of Montana is not "Hannah"
240. Teacher did not pay too much for her condo